Universal Disaster - A Review of Miss Universe

By Allan Brown

Having watched pageants since the 1970s and having served as a volunteer, director and judge for various systems since my college days, I thought I had seen it all.

I hadn't.

However, after last night's debacle at the Miss Universe competition, I can safely say that my pageant experience has come full circle.

Miss Colombia had the shortest reign of any announced winner in the 64 years of the pageant, with the crown sitting on her head for roughly 90 seconds before emcee Steve Harvey announced to the capacity crowd in Las Vegas that he had read the wrong name and Miss Philippines, Pia Wurtzbach, was actually the new Miss Universe.

Talk about embarrassing.

And so capped a three-hour disaster of a show that - due to the gaffe in the crowning - will certainly go down in the annals of pageant history as the most memorable one.

Unfortunately, it should be recorded in pageant history as the worst one ever televised, as well.

Growing up in the pageant glory days of the 1970s and '80s, my standards for what makes a good Miss Universe competition are pretty high.

And ending aside, Sunday night's pageant didn't even come close to living up to my expectations.

Granted, the pageants of the 70s and 80s were all glitz, all glamour and appealed to a certain sensibility and audience that, no doubt, Fox-TV, which broadcast the 64th Annual Pageant for the first time, could care less about attracting.

However, turning a pageant into a reality show, complete with a viewer vote, cheapens the competition and the esteemed history it has established in the past six decades.

From the opening number - oh, wait, there wasn't one - to the final crowning, or crownings as was the case, this pageant was a complete and total disaster.

Not having a grand, glitzy opening isn't exactly new for the pageant, which pretty much eliminated that aspect of the show in 2002, still
this year's pageant was completely devoid of anything even remotely close to the traditional opening  numbers that made these shows so enjoyable and highly rated in their heyday. At least we did get to see a closeup look at each of the 80 delegates national costumes.

Which brings us to pageant problem #1, don't pander to a lower common denominator. Don't runaway from what made these contests so popular in the first place. In other words, don't try to be something you're not. It's a beauty pageant, for God's sake, not American Idol or America's Next Top Model. Embrace the history and celebrate it. TPTB just don't get it. They have a built-in audience already, don't alienate them. Give them, give us,  what we want - a glamorous, beauty pageant, not some endless video montage telling us each contestant's sob story.

Eliminating the videos and behind the scenes nonsense could have easily made this a much more manageable two-hour telecast, as opposed to the boring, drawn out three-hour yawn fest that this pageant ultimately became.

Hiring a host who actually knew the history of the pageant and was passionate about it would be the second way to keep the audience. Granted, Harvey is a popular, affable emcee, whose daily talk show I enjoy, but he was all wrong for this gig and that was evident from the get go. He appeared nervous and awkward as master of ceremonies for such a prestigious event.

Of course employing the right emcee has been a problem for this particular pageant for 28 years. Not since 1987 when animal rights activist Bob Barker retired from his hosting duties - amid a controversy over the winner receiving a fur coat as a prize - the organization has had a difficult time finding a worthy successor.

While I contend that Andy Cohen came closest to achieving the same sensibility and zest for the job that Barker had, the selection of Harvey sounded like a good idea on paper, but failed miserably in execution on the television screen. I mean, really, I can't even phantom Barker yelling through the screen the way Harvey did even at the top of the show, let alone make some of the unclassy quips he made throughout the telecast.

As color commentator, Roslyn Sanchez was even worse than Harvey was as master of ceremonies. I long for the days when Ali Landry and Julie Moran sat in the skybox high above the goings on on the stage and gave actual commentary on the proceedings, but maybe, that's just me.

As for allowing the viewers to actually vote for each delegate during every round of the competition - as opposed to helping to put an eliminated contestant back into it as they have done in the past - it might sound like a good idea, but, in reality, is actually a terrible one. And I don't know if this was a universal problem, but, despite numerous attempts, I couldn't even log on to vote anyway.

In Latin countries, pageants are a religion. Likewise, the Philippines is a hugely pageant-obsessed Island Nation and the USA, where the MUO is based, is hardly devoid of strong pageant followers. This new innovation just doesn't seem fair to me, as it puts smaller nations   - or even larger ones where the countrymen could care less about pageants - at an extreme disadvantage.

But enough with the negative aesthetics of the show, now onto the actual competition.

Putting aside that it took the better part of 40 minutes to call out a top 15, the actual selections were pretty darn good. Eleven of the eventual 15 had been mentioned in my pre-pageant blog, with only Mexico and South Africa coming as a complete surprise to me. While I didn't include either Japan or Indonesia in my choices, both had generated positive buzz since arriving in Las Vegas and neither was a huge shock to get the call as a quarterfinalist.

For the first round of elimination, the quarterfinalists competed in swimsuits of different designs, some of which were extremely unflattering on their obviously well-toned bodies. My favorites in swimsuit were Colombia, USA, Australia and Dominican Republic. I felt some favorites like Miss Venezuela and Miss Philippines might be hurt just a little in this segment of the show.

Perhaps, I was wrong, as both made it forward to the next round and competed in the top 10 evening gown competition.

Both redeemed themselves nicely in that segment, and both changed their preliminary gowns and were in my top 5 of that area of judging. Of note, Miss Philippines' red preliminary gown was one of my favorites and rumor has it her handlers changed her final night gown to blue to match the Miss Universe crown. Talk about confidence. Of course, in the end they were right, weren't they? So what do I know. And, I did love her final blue gown, just not quite as much as the red one, though.

Of note in this area of the judging was Miss USA's gown. Not known for choosing great evening wear, Olivia Jordan saved the best for last - her final pageant - a gorgeous white gown custom made for her by a bridal designer. Elegant and very sexy, it was the perfect gown for her, though her extremely pale choice in lipstick color was certainly questionable.

In the end I had Philippines, USA, Colombia, Australia and Venezuela as best in gown.

With the exception of Venezuela that would end up being your final five. Miss France ultimately joined the other four and advanced to the next round.

While I thought Colombia and Philippines easily made the final three after nailing their top five question, I thought USA's answer might be her undoing.

Uncharacteristically nervous, Jordan waffled on her gun control answer and I thought it might cost her a spot in the top 3.

It didn't.

So following a final question where USA, Colombia and Philippines all answered the relatively easy question of why they should be the next Miss Universe, it was time for the judges final vote.

Which brings me to the celebrity panel of judges. Only four were selected for the final night and all from the USA. Please bring back the days of 9-11 judges all from different nations. This is an international competition, after all.

I did enjoy the final twist of having the eliminated contestants participate in the final vote, though, as who knows the young women better than their competitors?

Entering the final vote, I felt Colombia was probably the most well-rouned of the three, as USA faltered in her first-round answer and honestly Philippines swimsuit was pretty bad and this is, after all, a beauty pageant.

Still, I felt that since Philippines made it that far, she was the likely winner. I will say, though, that whenever I judge I always take into account the totality of the young woman and I felt that should hurt Pia, and to a lesser extent Olivia - in the final vote.

So when Colombia was first announced as the winner, I felt the judges did the right thing and took into account everything they had seen all evening.

In the end, they didn't.

Miss Philippines bad swimsuit didn't cost her the title.

Steve Harvey's YouTube moment of a faux pas to the worst extreme, though, almost did.

All in all, Miss Universe 2015 was a pageant to remember.

Unfortunately, though, it will be remembered for all the wrong reasons.